Stranger

That moment when you don't even know yourself.
You're simply lost.
With no idea how to feel, how to care and how to love.

I'm breaking to pieces.

I do feel lost. I don't even know what is right and what is wrong anymore.
It feels like I've been pushed to hold a throne so tight and that I should enjoy the pain.

Suicide do become rational last night.

The worst heart breaking is caused by your own blood, your first love, your one and only: your dad.

And I will always be at the wrong side, no matter what. And my words, my attitude, my attention, all of that will always be wrong and never be enough. Never.

I give up. It's the worst ever. And I don't know how to get up. I never cry this much. I can't stop. And I don't know how to end this but stopping my own breathe. Or maybe just become a stranger.

I don't have any energy left to understand things. I just feel so weak and so wrong and silence is the only defense I have.